Staticy Cat vs. Balloon

1. video camera Check
2. balloon Check
3. wicked sense of humor Check
4. cat accepting donations now

**In Scorpion's voice** GetInHereMinistries

After yesterday's "Don't Do It" song, I decided to check out the guys behind the magic. Their names are Johnny and Chachi. I already love it. Their official website is JohnnyandChachi.com. They produce all kinds of media for churches and ministries.

They have two videos I will post here. The first is some practical prayer processes to a better prayer life and the second is their 3 driving techniques to save humanity. I realize the last sentence was completely redundant, and so is this sentence when I reiterate a ridiculously redundant raving. Booya!

I digress, here is Killer Prayer Tips from youtube.


And News World Today with Johnny and Chachi


Enjoy the videos. I'll be back later today with commentary that explodes in hilarity and yellowness.

Added content: Man, these guys are men after my own heart. If you aren't a regular church goer, it may be hard to get all of the subtle sarcasms and jokes. I apologize if it is that way for you, but know that Christians are no different when it comes to jargon, group qwerks, and dynamics. We're a people who are forgiven and striving for growth despite our weaknesses. Now, with that disclaimer in place, allow me to point out one particular Christian prayer pattern I've perceived. You like that? Alliteration is amusing.

Have you ever noticed that people don't pray as if they are really talking to God? It's more like a letter to Santa. If you want to be a normal Christian that prays, you're prayer should follow this format:

"Dear Jesus, **pause as one thinks up wish list, but then remembers thankfulness**

Thank you for [insert arbitrary thing that one should always be thankful for]. Please help [insert name of a human] with [insert thing that human needs help with]. I also need help with [insert your problem and/or wish list request]. Thank you for [Praise something you like about God].

In Jesus' name I pray [Most don't know what this means, we just say it], Amen."


We might as well adlib this prayer. You remember those books from elementary school. They have you fill in adjectives, nouns and the like before you read the story. Then, when you read the story it becomes hilarious as you find that random insertions actually create a coherent story...most of the time.

I wonder, if we prayed like we actually believed we were talking to the creator of the universe, how dramatically those prayers would change. It may turn our adlib short story into some of the most heartfelt dynamic standards of literature equivalent to a work by C.S. Lewis, or Shakespeare.

If the relationship between humans is better in person, than through ink and paper, how much more our relationship with God.

Don't do it...Please don't

Who said conservatives can't laugh at themselves? Shoot, I wanna BE THEM!!!

**sings as he walks away from laptop** DON'T...(don't do it)...STOP...doo-do-do-do-do, DON'T DO IT....

Little naked boy training to kick in Superbowl, uh? Maybe not.

Awww, I wanna feel bad for this kid, but then I think, "I'm Rusty and I really want to make fun of this kid." I don't want to disappoint myself, that would be worse than being just a plain schizophrenic. At least I'm a schizophrenic who makes fun of little diaper kids who can't connect their brains to their foot. Excuse me, let me modify that, little diaper kids who, when trying to connect their brains to their feet, end up running around the yard to finally end up missing the kick again.

Did you guys see the dog at the end of the video? I've got some word bubbles for his thoughts, but I want to know your thoughts. Please, make them funny and post em!

It's Fabulously Fun Friday and today's highlight: Black Friend Finder

Yep, we all see them. We all want one. And yes, now you can get one. Folks, I'm talking about a black friend.

White people can now be relevant and don't have to feel out of place when they show up at the Black Expo (Yep, it's real, we went to it).

Notable Quotables:
"Blacks come educated or 'street.' It's your choice."
"I have one guy that was the only black guy in his high school...That's right...Oh, yeah, golden child."
"We're finding that it's good for young white professionals to have at least one black friend."

Bio-Rad FTW anyone?

Okay, if you don't know what PCR is, you are a moron on the biological engineer spectrum of specialists, just like me. Yes, that makes you normal and if we all get together, one heck of a huge mob. Add a little disgruntled employee derivatives and you get a march on the Bio-Rad company in Benicia. But, just in case you don't have your pitchforks and torches on hand and need to get up to speed on PCR technology, here is a wikipedia link on our targets.

What is PCR? Wikipedia answer
Who is Bio-Rad? Company website

Now that you have a basic understanding, here is a video put together by Bio-Rad that I need you to watch.


Aw crap! Now I like the company. Aight, mob anarchy is over. Sorry guys, I'll organize you another day.

Notable Quotables:
"PCR. When you need to find out who the daddy is."
"PCR. When you need to solve a crime."

Ban DiHydrogen Monoxide Compounds Today!

Dihydrogen monoxide = H20 = Water. They are lemmings I tell you. Lemmings.


Update: As suggested by the Capitalist Cripple, Jeremy Hatzell, I am adding a video that highlights a petition to END WOMAN'S SUFFRAGE. Thanks Jer for the suggestion. Enjoy!



Notable Quotables:
Random Guy: Do you know what suffrage is?
Girl signing petition: **cricket....cricket**
Random Guy: It's your right to vote.

I love how it took a male to educate a girl to protect her right to vote. The irony is great.

Ablacknophobia - Now added to the Pangtionary.

Thank you Stephen. I love you!

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

The Word - Ablacknophobia

Colbert Report Full Episodes
Political Humor

Joke of the Day
Stand-Up Comedy

What would you do for a facebook update?

We already know what many people would do for a Klondike Bar, but what would you do to check your facebook account? Would you steal a laptop? This guy did. Read below for the story from MSNBC.

"BRADENTON, Fla. - Sheriff's officers said a 19-year-old man snatched a Starbucks customer’s laptop after being told he could not use it to check his Facebook account. According to officers, the man then grabbed the customer's laptop and ran out of the coffee shop, located in an outlet mall.

Two people in the parking lot tackled the man and held him there until a mall security guard arrived.

The victim got his laptop back and the man was charged Saturday with robbery by sudden snatching, a felony."

This makes me wonder what other random things one may steal if denied access to from a perfect stranger.

Strange dude: Excuse me sir, may I borrow your wife? **awkward silence** No?! I'll show you! **Proceed to beating up of the husband and absconding with the wife.**

I'd like to open this blog up to you faithful readers of Ancient Asian Awesomeness. What other innocent requests can be made hilarious when you insert thievery? I'll give you a hint...Anything involving poo.

Fat kids walking here!

I came across this photo that I took with my iPhone a few weeks ago. I can't remember what magazine this came out of but Janelle gets the credit for showing it to me. Kudos to the wife for finding little gems like this...ahem **cough cough**...big gems like this.

I decided to look for the actual ad in a magazine, hoping by chance it would be searchable by The Greatness, that is google search. Unfortunately, I will never know because I was sidetracked by the copious amounts of material on the internet about child obesity. Oh, the horrors of tubby toddlery. When will the tyrannical rule of big business advertisements end? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?

I tippy-toed through some of the material looking for my golden goose and happened upon another. Shall I enter your brain and push the absurdity and hilarity buttons? Come, let us make fun of the world together.

Today's blessing of fate comes from Mothering Magazine and tells us how to teach children about "size acceptance." Hehehehe, my insides are spilling out in the form of smiles.

Allow me to quote Nancy Summer's approach to teaching children about size acceptance:

"Nancy Summer, a leader in the size-acceptance movement, actually invites children to insult her during the workshops she conducts with sixth graders. Nancy herself is very large, and the children hesitate to insult her. However, in one class a girl looked her in the eye and said, “Horse!” Nancy asked the class to keep the animals coming. “Whale! Elephant!” they yelled. “Cow! Pig!” She joyfully wrote all of these animals down, then discussed with the class how beautiful these animals really were in their own rights."

"She's a huge..." -Duece Bigalow, Male Gigalo

Now, let just qualify for a moment. Nancy's approach is unorthodox, direct, and may be very effective. However...However...I just want to be there when she does this. I want to see the first kid break the silence. I also would like to be there when the "You're mom.." jokes become "You're so fat..." I think our kids might become better insulters.

Can you imagine being the teacher in this classroom? Your students, all of whom have heeded some control or another during the day, exploding in an uproar of "BEHEMOTH!" or acting out what a pig looks and sounds like, would kill me. I could not keep from laughing.

At first, I would feel bad for Nancy, but then I would see she has a thick skin.